If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
