I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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