My hand turned me down
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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