i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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