I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
