i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
