shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
