Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
