somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
