the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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