We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
