if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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