there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
