He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
