Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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