Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
