the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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