I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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