Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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