it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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