Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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