boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
