I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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