she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
