Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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