Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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