All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
