Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
