how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
