Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
