R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
