I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
