You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
