you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
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You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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