the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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