Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
