Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
