I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Randomize
