The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
