Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
