I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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