herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
