Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
