Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
