I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
