I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
