we're chasing vodka with high fives
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
