my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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