you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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