Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
