yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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