I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
