You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
