and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
