At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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