i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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