I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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