i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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