everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wish my penis had a tongue
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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