Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
