i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
