Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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