Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
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Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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