Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
