yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
