He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
not ubering you a puppy
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
