I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
