i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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