OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
