Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
