So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
