We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
