i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
