Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
