is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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