Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
