I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
