i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
