Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I will die if light touches me.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
