He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize