There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
