Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
