I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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