none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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