Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
