he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
