it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My balls are so social today.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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