my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
