She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
